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Last night I learned to drive a nuclear submarine.
Not only was it my first crack at driving one of these things that has no windshield to see through, I was evading the nazi submarines who were closing in on us very quickly. A little bit stressful.
Not only was it my first crack at driving one of these things while the nazis are closing in on us, but Mr Molloy (grade 12 math teacher) was yelling at me and punching me in the shoulder. “You dunderhead!”

He was pissing me off, so, I’m sorry, I shot him five times. I couldn’t concentrate.

Eventually I crashed trying to steer through an underwater trench, and lay there under the twisted wreckage while we slowly drowned to death. My back was crushed so bad that my spine was sticking out.

That’s when I woke up. In pain. My back felt like my spine was sticking out.

Sorry, about wrecking the sub, killing every one on board, and shooting Mr. Molloy.



When I got home from work today, I was very tired, so I went and had a nap.
Then the aliens attacked.
Not your average “Hello we come in peace and want to explore your planet” aliens, but the ” AAAaaaaarggh we are going to kill and eat you all and destroy your planet!” aliens. Yeah, those ones.
They were like giant glow worms with massive teeth and fangs, and were killing everyone, either with their teeth, or they would just nuke everyone with their laser-powered eyeballs.
We fought for months – maybe years – and eventually came up with nuclear weapons to kill these planet-stealing aliens.
We were pretty happy that we had finally defeated them.
Back in our library (?) I went to a bookshelf and grabbed a book. Behind it was …
a baby glow worm alien with giant fangs.

Then I woke up.